My Musings on Life, Happenings Etc. Etc.

I decided to create this blog to do what everyone else does on the internet, Bitch about stuff that annoys them. From Movies, Life as a Yankee living in the South, Conversations I've had with people, Observations about random things. As always I plan to do this all in my unique sarcastic euphemistic way.

The Time is......

Friday, February 18, 2011

Fucking Excuses!

Excuses, excuses, excuses! I’m tired of all the fucking excuses! I hear, almost on a daily basis people telling me why they can’t do this, can’t go here or there, or can’t try something. A typical conversation goes like this:

John Doe: You Scuba Dive?
Me: Yeah.
John Doe: Man I’ve always wanted to do that, is it fun? (This phrase inclines me to give a bit more information “I’ve always wanted to do that”)
Me: Yeah .
John Doe: Ever see any sharks?
Me: Yeah, but they really don’t bother you, they usually leave because you end up ruining the hunting for them.
John Doe: Man, that’s so awesome I’d love to do that! I’d love to see a real shark, and not on TV or in an aquarium.
Me: So why don’t you get certified?
John Doe: Isn’t it expensive?
Me: It’s not too bad, around $300, plus you have to get fins a snorkel and mask, but most shops will discount those and work with your financial situation, kinda a pay as you go or make payments and when they’re paid off then you start your classes. You should look into it.
(Here is where the excuses start)
John Doe: There probably isn’t anywhere around here to get trained huh?
Me: Alexandria and I got certified in Lake Charles, during the winter, the water was brutal.
John Doe: I don’t know, is it hard to learn? (the disqualifying questions begin)
Me: No, plus since you’re paying them to teach you, they really make sure that you know what you’re doing.
John Doe: Yeah well I guess if I wasn’t married I’d have the money. (I don’t know how many married divers there are where both spouses dive or only one dives but I’m sure there are a lot)
Me: See if she’d like to get certified and y’all can dive together?
John Doe: I don’t think she’d be interested. (Translation; I don’t really want to do it, so I won’t even talk to her about it)
Me: Well here let me give you the card of my dive instructor, give him a call if you’re interested, he’s a good guy and will work with you if you want to try it.
John Doe: Thanks I’ll look into it! (Translation; I’ll put the card in my wallet and never look at it again, or I’ll throw this away as soon as I’m where you can’t see me do it.)

This conversation was an example of people who may want to do something, but never will because they’ve given up the thought that they ever could before they even tried. I am not certain of how many times I’ve had conversations like this one, on subjects ranging from getting tattoos, to doing a blog to what used to be my online radio show, to going to a horror convention. The thing that I guess irritates me the most is when people come to me to find out information about doing something, then give me every excuse from the fact that they have children, are married, go to church and or their financial situation for not doing whatever it is they have asked me about how to get into doing. Don’t ask me “Man, when’s that horror convention and where is it? I wanna go!” and then give me a laundry list of reasons that you “Can’t” go.

I truly detest when people begin making excuses to not do something. One of my favorite excuses is; “My wife/husband won’t let me.”. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around that concept. When I hear someone say this to me, my response is almost always “Let? What do you mean, let? What does that mean your [insert significant other here] won’t let you?”. As a married man of nearly ten (10) years I can’t think of a single thing that I need my wife’s permission for, conversely I cannot think of anything that she needs my permission for either. I am a grown person, as is she, both of us are quite capable of making our own decisions, even if they are sometimes bad decisions. Though it goes without saying that there is a mutual respect which rules our individual decision making processes. Can I have sex with the nineteen year old nubile neighbor? Yes I can. Would the decision to do so adversely effect my marriage? Yes it will. So out of respect and love for my wife I choose to decide not to sleep with the 19 year old. (We don’t really have a 19 year old neighbor, so this is not a real decision I am forced to contend with.) My wife has the same understanding. If I want to go to a strip club with friends, do I need to ask my wife? Nope, though I do inform her so that she knows where I am, as a courtesy. Does she need to ask my permission to go see the Chippendales dancers with her girlfriends? Nope, though she will let me know where she’s going, and I appreciate that. So I have an extremely difficult time understanding when people tell me that their significant other won’t let them do something. It makes no sense to me. How old are you people? This is your wife/husband, not your mom/dad! Grow up!

What I infer from these conversations is that the people who are telling me that they’d love to do this or that but can’t or because their significant other won’t let them is that they’re either scared to try something new or they have no control over their lives because they’re really just overgrown 8 year olds. This type of behavior and thinking disgusts me.

Here is how I see it:

If there is something that you really want to do, you’ll go do it, what ever it may be. There is no reason that you will not accomplish something that you really want to do. If you have to save up money to buy it or to afford it, then you will, if you really want to do/see/experience it.

My advice:

Stop being a whiny pussy/child, if you want something then go for it! Do what you want to do, see what you want to see. Don’t let someone, be it your wife, husband, brother, mom, dad or friend stop you from doing what you really want to do. If they truly love you then that person will be happy that you are doing something that you enjoy. Of course if it’s a self destructive or self damaging activity like using Crystal Meth or participating in the gang bang of a crack whore, you might want to think about it and avoid those activities.

What I say:

Quit your bitching to me about your weight, about not getting to go here or there, about not learning this or that skill unless you actually are going to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Sensationalist Media!

Hola Mi Amigos! This week has been spent watching a lot of Netflix and I got mildly interested in this show Hunter & Hunted which can be entertaining, if not a bit irritating.

The show chronicles animal attacks, similar to the show Fatal Attractions though the people who are attacked are not the owners of said animals. Instead this show focuses on wild animal attacks and attempts to discern what factors might have contributed to the attack.

Now that's all well and good, however, the narrator uses a dramatically sinister tone of voice, often making the animals in question out to be natures terrorists. Here, I'm going to highlight and dissect just a few episodes in brief.

Season One Ep. Alligators in Paradise: This episode chronicles a few different Alligator attacks in the Florida. With its myriad of man made water canals, and large population of Alligators which are still a protected species.
Many of these protected gators have gotten quite large. The show asks the question; "What has turned these large reptiles into man eaters?". I think that this is a silly question, Alligators are ambush predators and opportunistic feeders, anyone straying too near the water is increasing the odds of coming in contact with a gator. In some areas of Florida, many of the larger gators have grown up around humans and therefore have no fear of man. This is not a case of Alligators turning "Bad" and becoming man eaters and intentionally targeting humans. The gators are doing what comes naturally.

Season 2 Ep. Shark Invasion: This episode takes a look at the beaches of Recife, Brazil, where shark attacks have increased in response to industrialization. My issue with this episode, is that the writers go out of their way to make the sharks out to be vicious man eaters that are out to hunt humans. This episode was a direct contrast to the excellent and informative show Shark Rebellion which aired on the Discovery Channel as part of their Shark Week programming. To this I say Fuck You National Geographic Channel! I would have thought that a company like Nat Geo would be smart enough to make accurate reports and attempt to educate the public as opposed to trying to scare an already shark weary public! The episode could lead one to think that there are sharks out there that do nothing but hunt humans. As I've been in the water with Bull, Tiger and Scalloped Hammerhead sharks to name a few. I can tell you that most sharks will go out of their way to avoid humans. If there were sharks out there hunting humans, even one shark swimming around with the intention of eating humans and there would be far more attacks on humans than there are every year!

Season 2 Ep. Stalked at Sea: This one chronicles a Surfer on an East London, South Africa Beach who was simultaneously attacked by two Great White Sharks. A truly amazing event in and of itself. The Narrator states that "Great Whites do not inhabit this area." Below is a map showing the locations of Seal Island, which has the highest concentration of Great White Sharks anywhere in the world and Nahoon Beach, East London where the attack took place, both in South Africa.


Now I am not 100% sure but I think that Sharks can and do swim wherever they want to. Unless there is a shark somewhere that abides by state and national boundaries, however, I doubt that this shark exists.

Below is the video of said surfer being attacked. Truly a frightening thought, but it happened.

The Narrator goes on to ask if there was something about this surfer which made him a "Shark Magnet". He [The Narrator] goes on to point out that surfers wear wetsuits, which could make them appear to look like a Seal to these sharks. He then goes on and on leading viewers to think that all sharks are dangerous and will attack humans for no reason. This negative media sensationalism is completely contradictory to the show Air Jaws which originally aired on the Discovery Channel. On Air Jaws scientists prove unequivocally that Great Whites around South Africa will attack anything which appears to be food. They also explain the contributing factors to these attacks; Poor visibility, abundance and location(s) of prey, water temperature and time of day.

Personlly, I found these episodes to be counterproductive to Shark preservation. An organization like National Geographic should be working to educate the public about the function of these predators in their environment. At the same time they should be educating the public about conservation efforts, behavior and ways to avoid shark encounters much in the same way that Discovery does. They should absolutely not be sensationalizing the negative aspects of sharks and Alligators, which are beneficial to the ecosystem. Below are two charts, one is the statistics compiled from the ISAF (International Shark Attack File) the other is Automobile Fatalities Statistics compiled by Car People are afraid of going into the ocean due to shows depicting man eating sharks, but think nothing of getting behind the wheel, Mystifying!

Shark Attack Stats


Car Fatalities Stats


Saturday, February 5, 2011

Hard Freeze!

Now, having spent roughly 23 years of my life living in Pennsylvania, about 17 miles north-west of Pittsburgh, I've seen some miserable winters. I've listened to an untold number of weather reports as well. So now living in Beautiful (Italics denote sarcasm) Leesville Louisiana, I heard something recently which made me say, "What the fuck is that?".
The Term "Hard Freeze" is a new concept to me, it's almost a new southern Buzz Word. Being as analytical as I am, or anal as some call it (Hmm...Anal? Chuckle) I had to find out what this buzz word that's being throown around near water coolers and in break rooms across Louisiana was about. So like any true lazy ass, I googled it! The results had me non-plussed:

1: Freeze Warning - Widespread temperatures at or below 32 °F (0 °C) during the growing season. A freeze may occur with or without frost. A hard freeze occurs with temperatures below 28 °F (−2 °C)[Source Wikipedia]

2. Hard Freeze —A freeze in which seasonal vegetation is destroyed, the ground surface is frozen solid underfoot, and heavy ice is formed on small water surfaces such as puddles and water containers. [Source American Meterological Society website]

Now having grown up, in the North East where temperatures regularly go below zero every winter, I found it odd that I'd never heard of this. In Pennsylvania, the weather people tell you to bundle up because it's gonna be cold or friends will say "Yinz better bundle up t'night cuz is gonna be fuckin cold!"

So mystified was I that I thought about this concept for while, Hmm.....Hard Freeze?
Well when I was a child and teen, we'd say things like, "It's 19 degrees, so we're going to Economy park to go tubing tonight!" It regularly dropped below 28 degrees and we thought nothing of it! Happens all the time. Not sure how many games the Steelers have played in where the temp was below 28, but I'm certain that it's alot!

So I have come to this conclusion a Hard Freeze is simply another way the sensationalist media is making another attempt to control the general public by scaring them into staying t home and helping to further stunt the economy of this ever downward spiraling nation.

My final Hypothesis on a Hard Freeze is this, it's colder than usual, so my advice? Get a warmer coat, buy some warm gloves, dress in layers, wear a hat, and go do whatever it is that you were going to do, because it's nothing to be afraid of! You pathetic, media driven, mindless lemmings!

I need to go find my inner-tube now and go tubin, cuz the weather's right!
Nevermind, I live in the south......NO SNOW OR HILLS!